Last night was my 10-year high school reunion. Shit was weird, mostly the feelings I and many others experienced.
Discomfort from glancing at a person that used to make you feel like you were less than nothing. Having them ignore you again as if you don’t even exist.
Insecurity from seeing girls glance at you, then whispering to one another. (Seriously?)
Excitement from talking to someone you actually got along with!
Confusion at talking to someone for a few minutes and slowly remembering who they were halfway through the conversation. Or not.
Pure joy in reconnecting with old friends. Relieved that someone else was there to bond with you over the awkwardness.
And of course, satisfaction in seeing the once good-looking become not-so. 😈
Throughout the whole night, anxiety levels were through the motha-frickin’ roof. But there was a quick fix for that. (Cheers, open bar.)
It was an alternate-universe-time-machine-bad-dream. Some people seemed exactly the same; some were slightly different (kind of?). You were there either with a spouse, a significant other, or yourself *raises hand*. There was chatter of weddings or engagements, honeymoons and house-buying, babies and futures, hating jobs, tolerating jobs, not having a job. Ten years from now, I’m sure many of us will be doing more or less the same thing or “nothing.”
Being there also made me question what I’m doing and what I want to be doing in ten years from now, who I will be and what I will have accomplished. It made me feel as though I should be pushing myself harder to make an impact on my own life and trying to get a better sense of fulfillment and enjoyment out of my everyday routine.
Most of the time, we forget how far we’ve come. It’s easy to go along with the pattern of time and move forward. Turning around and looking backward is a mindfuck. It makes us uncomfortable or regretful or induces straight-up panic-attack-mode. But every once in a while, it’s an interesting, self-reflective thing to do, especially whilst inebriated.