Insomnia

Isn’t it funny how when you can’t sleep, you start thinking of all the things that you’d like to do that you haven’t done yet? When I can’t sleep, it’s usually because I’m thinking about where to go/ what to do next with my life – the unknown. I told my co-worker that I couldn’t sleep last night and when she asked what I was thinking about I just said “LIFE!” and she kind of laughed at me. Maybe I was being a little melodramatic. Maybe.

Thinking about “LIFE” leads me to think about all the places that I haven’t traveled to yet and want to go to, which leads me to thinking about how I don’t have enough money saved to just up and leave. But that’s what I’d do tomorrow if it were possible without consequence. I’d just travel around without having to worry about being at a certain places or keeping a job or spending money or doing things on someone else’s watch.

I often suffer from these thoughts whenever sleepless nights occur, and last night was no exception. Sometimes I don’t mind these nights actually; they just happen and there’s nothing I can do about it except think about my thoughts and self-reflect. It’s funny to trace these thoughts to their origins, if possible.

The next day is always up in the air as to how I’ll feel (F.Y.I. right now, I’m feeling pretty tired, but also surprisingly creative an introspective). The majority of the time, I just feel restless and I dread sitting through the day at my desk and itching for the clock to reveal  6:00 PM on my computer’s dashboard. But today is okay. I’ll manage. (For the record, it’s already 5:10 PM. Woohoo!)

I never really experience these bouts of insomnia while traveling. A few weeks ago, I was in Sri Lanka, a place that I’ve thought about going to for months. While there, I slept soundly. Strangely enough, I had the most vivid dreams every single night. I would wake up in the morning, either to the sound of my alarm or just before and remember everything that had just occurred in my subconscious state. During the day, I felt calm and relaxed, but I bet my brain was going nuts trying to process everything the experience of being in a new place.

It’s funny how our minds continue to churn out thoughts even when we think they’ve been shut down. Maybe we find ourselves bored during the day and at night, our brains start to create thoughts trying to explain to itself why this was. But why does it have to present me from getting some quality shut-eye? Why can’t I just have boring dreams or just wake up without remembering my dreams? I guess our brains try to look for something to keep them(selves?) stimulated. Everything that we consciously or subconsciously process is manifested either in insomnialand or dreamworld.

Maybe I just have sleeping disorder. Or maybe I’ve just been thinking too much about life recently. I probably just think too much in general. I think so. Whaddya think?

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